Sugar n spice & all that's nice!!

7 years today!! 7 years and each year I say to myself, I survived one more year without you! Only GOd knows how! I have no more to say, no more to write.. I really don't know how many more to go! but I wish the lesser the better! Time heals, but never erases! n u r one deeply etched memory, much more than just a memory.. you are felt all around me! as if a presence is always there! May you rest in peace, may your soul be at peace... ~

Sometimes when I get "me" days i like it, I grab cheetos, open up youtube and watch all sorts of videos(dont get me wrong) from dramas to movies to cartoons..yes, i absolutely love the me time tht i get.. i love the spacious king size bed that i hve all to myself, i love sleeping on my partners pillow.. :P and i love the tv remote all to myself, i love the fact that no more morning madness, wake up at 10 but after 2 days I get sick of doing it all alone.. yes, i miss you when u r not there to share my cheetos, n i miss you when the extra 7 up lays in the can till morning.. oh, n i miss u most when someone has to switch off the light, and theres no one to do it besides me!!  but thats not all, I miss it most when you are not there to calm me from my nightmares, I miss you most whn I need my good night hug, and also when there comes the funny moment in youtube, I look to my right but u aint there.. its 3 30 and insomnia has struck me again!! I just cant slee...

This year the 14th of July didn't haunt me like it always did.. I didn't feel scared when I woke up this morning. Infact, I felt pretty normal when morning dawned upon me. I did not get that feeling of fear, anxiety and hopelessness. I did not break into tears. As I fumbled around with the newspaper I noticed the change in me, I felt grown up enough to understand that time lessens the pain, time definitely heals. I thought I am finally brave!!! But I was wrong. As the moon lurks outside my window and the stars shine down upon me, I realize I am not through, I am still petrified what tomorrow morning might bring for me, what will be your situation, what will the doctor say, when will you come out of coma, when will the virus leave. All these questions ran through my mind when I left you in the icu and head towards a home without a mom, what's a home without a mother. I had to go home that night, I could not stay in the hospital lobby, you told me to go. We were in the car....

It was strange! She used to have a strange connection with Cancerians! She thought Cancerians are the ones with whom she chilled the most! And then when God decided to bless her with a baby, He could have been a gemini too, in her heart she prayed tht her child is not a Gemini-the two faced bubble! And thankfully, he was born in july!! She hadn't met any cancer patient personally! Mebbe once shedid! Went to see a lady who was breathing her last.. it was not good! She had cried tht day! Nonetheless she didn't know any one personally, and Alhamdulillah! But little did she knw that the little amount of blood that she spat out everyday for 2 months along with all the acidity could have actually lead her to an oncology ward. Oh yes, Easophagul cancer!!! SO here she was sitting in the hospital, cheering up sum random guy whos apparently waiting for his turn.. Ice breaks! N this is what he said" what a life n what an end!!...