Sugar n spice & all that's nice!!

Its hot outside.. 34 degrees.. but I'm shivering.. In the past 11 years, not a night had passed when you werent thought about. Not one. Some nights though are harder than others. Sometimes I think deeper than I usually do and its then that it dawns upon me I am so friendless, you were my best friend. You still are, just not around me. Tonight I wish I could have a cup of tea with you Mom... with a baked samosa, or a mustard sauce n beef sandwich. Maybe we could go for a chaat, I drive now, we wouldnt have needed to go walking, not even in a rickshaw. Maybe we could sit in the garden once more, just maybe. We could have bought just one more book Mom.. I shunned books when you left, because you were my driving force behind them  After quite a few years, when I touched a book, I realised that you are more around.. I found my love for books again. Because you made me love books. I wish I could tell you about all the new books I have read..they are all thrillers eheheh but I gu...

I try to figure an older you, nay, you were young always, young at heart, young at soul, young in looks, wish my youngest maa a very happy birthday to you...

You cry when your mother suddenly out of the blue wakes up sick.. Gets admitted in the hospital, stays in coma for 14 days, and then moves on to her final resting place, you cry hard because you had never in your wildest dreams imagined her to go away jus like that, in the blink of an eye... You don't agree, you can't accept.. Your dad tells you shes okay... Shes not gone... Lets you deny the fact till you finally accept it... But what happens when you know that your dad has been struck with a terminal illness, last stage, doctors say he can't live long, he suffers for 2 yrs, he heads on to meet His lord... Dont you cry? Doesnt it hit hard.. It hits hardest!!!! HARDEST!!!! The biggest blow!!! I miss you Pappa!!! In just the blink of an eye, in a breath that we tKe, a breath goes missing, and a person is gone!!!

Its one of those warm summer nights, when you are feeling cold and shiverrish in the AC. One of those nights when everything around you seems calm and stable, but the storm that's cooking up inside you is killing you. One of those lonely nights you wish there was someone around to share a cup of hot tea in that storm of emotions, a shoulder to cry upon, a teddy bear of a hug to make you warm and fuzzy, those nights you wish you just had a book that could transport you into another world, a world of no worries, no tensions, no dreams, no desires, no hopes, and no wishes.. Just another world... God has made a lot of galaxies, lots of planets, Earth is just one of them, and I am just a nobody living n the huge Earth!!! Somewhere around I wonder there must be another Earth, where there would be another lost soul, who might or might not be equally worried as me... maybe that another world would be guilt free, worry free, anxiety free... sometimes this anxiety of mine takes my appetit...

Its 2 a.m. She can not sleep. Sleep is a term for peace, probably... Far from peace, how can there be sleep... Someone is sick, someone is far, someone is veryyy far... She misses the 4 yr old, who said, "Dont be sad, be happy" the apple of her eye... If only it was so easy, he taught her, being thankful is the key... She thanks Allah for whatever is in store, but she can't sleep. Listening to the chugging sounds of the fan, the tick tock tick of the clock, scampering of a cockroach, the sound of some car coming in late, the squealing cats, the birds(afterall the early birds catch the worm) and finally the cockadoodle doos.. Such a short night, yet so long. Sometimes all she wants is to close her eyes, and dream... Of nothing... Just nothing, no thoughts, nothing... :( Lord, grant me peace!!! Shower your mercy on the sick, give them good health, ameen!!!!

Ajeeb baat hai, mein ne socha tha, aaj I will be happy..I will cook some nice dishes, recite a dua for you, n be smiling..I could move through the day like this, but when the sun sets, somewhere in my heart a darkness assembles, and I realize not a year would go by when I wont shed a tear on ur birthday!! I so miss you, I couldn't thank you even, for making me a wonderful person (at heart) yess, even if I say so myself.. I know it deep down, no matter how much arrogant ppl can think Ariens are, how bossy, n mebbe selfish.. but you instilled great values in me.. and I pray I can instill the same amazing values in chitto bitto!! :D For that every night you put me to sleep, I can never thank you, ever!! For that every morning you came in my dreams, to give me a moral support that I needed much more than anything, I can not utter a thanks... For every thing you did for me, I appreciate it a lot, but my only regret is I can't talk to you.. Life is so unbelievable, so sho...

Lakh duniya kahe tum nahi ho, tum yaheen ho... Haan, tum yaheen ho... 2 din... Aur sirf aik aap, aik apki ankhein, bass sirf yehi hain mere samnay... Chahoon bhi toh mera dil, dimagh kuch aur nahi kerne de raha... Mri nazron mein sirf aapka chehra aa raha hai, mujhe nahi maloom kyun, 8 saalon mein itni shiddat se aap labhi yaad nahee aye, per in do dino se apko aik lamhe ke liyeh mein nahee chorr pa rahee... Bass nahi chal raha, kahan se dhoondh laoon... Aik aik ker ki poori zindagi ankhon ke samany aa gayee.. Bchpan, larakpan, jawani... Mein ne burhapa bhi aapke sath soch liya tha... Maa, kuch unfair hay yeh... Ya nahi? Yaad aata hai apka yeh kehna ki maut pehle aa jaye, per mohtaji nahi, auR mera jawaban yeh kehna, nahii, pehle me phir aap... Aur apka yeh kehna, pagal, kabhi bachay pehle martay hain kya!!!! Ar phir ankh dikhana... Mummy, mujhe hospital yaad aata hai, emergency room mein hum dono, woh oxygen mask, jo apko bilkul pasand nahi aa raha tha, baar baar usay nikal rahay t...

Ohh Emm Gee!! I cant blv it, such a nice deserter I'm becoming!! haha!! Just made Umm Ali, the Egyptian dessert!! Zarnak apis recipe... it turned out awesome!!serving it to ppl who've lived in Dubai most of their life and getting complimented in the true sense for it is a huge accomplishment for me! sumtimes I just love myself.. mashaAllah!!! Zarnak apis recipe minus the kishmish, cream and coconut!!! absolutely yum!!!!      

Ice-cream!!!! Who doesn't like it... I loved ice-cream when I was really skinny malnutritioned kind of kid... Hehehe.. There was no fear of getting fat, and mum would get me one ice-cream cone daily just because I was me.. But now eating ice-cream is a task, killing off those calories, whew... I am feeling so guilty right now, i just ate a huge chocolate bar... :( i wish writing also burned calories.. Hahah then i would be a novelist for sure... Munchkin has made me the worlds best ice-cream.. He asked me which one mummy? And i wanted to test his colors, so i said orange n strawberry... Wheww... I hav never eaten an orange ice-cream before... Only the ice-lolly with my bro.... And this junior chef brings me the worlds best no calorie, no sugar ice-cream, i love you hunnybunch!!!!!

Winter or so it is couldn't have been more busier!!! but heres the promised pic!! so yummyyy that I am cravin git right now!       yum yum slurp.. I dint know before but theres this huge passion inside me that wants to make new things everyday!!!! :D I love it when my family loves what I cook, and I love it even more when they honestly tell me if somethings missing in it! ;)   Chef Gulzars recipe, a success! my guests loved it, my peeps liked it, and I fell in love with meetha once again! With some touch ups of my own, too lazy to type!! honestly speaking I love chef gulzars way of cooking, the only thing I dislike is what he does in the middle of cooking, grooving to some Punjabi number!!!! no comment see for yourself... we don't gel the same way while cooking!!! :P at all!!     

trying out chef gulzars shahi tukda recipe tomorrow... soooo excitedddd... whoops, hope it turns out perfect, inshaAllah.. :) m gonna post a pic n feedback on the recipe.. there are so mny different styles veryone does it, I'm unsure which one to go for... chef gulzars recipe is easy peasy, with all ingredients that I hav in my kitchen cabinet n fridge!!! just the nuts are salty :P haha

So, i got a whole day when A could take me to the graveyard... Yes, i have to, given karachis terrorist situation, the graveyard among the targeted places, we went... Ofcourse, left chinky at home... Itna sukoon mila, sitting near the grave, i honestly feel you could see me, just that my stupid ugly devil eyes could not see you, were i an angel too, apni mulaqaat pakki thi maa... Khair, i am glad i went, werna mujhe afsos hota buhut afsos hota.... I dont know when i wrote a fiction about cancer, my father would have already begun suffering from it, i feel so guilty, so sick of myself.... So sick of almost everything around, to carry a fake smile with a totally drenched heart is not easy at all... To listen to their lies, their ugly back stabbing gestures, god what do they think, the only thing I am gonna do is copy ur so called designer dress, like duh big time... Some people in this world think the only problem a person can face is their clothes, accessories or makeup, darn dang da...

I am driven past the same old roads, those very streets I grew up in, those very streets I saw children play in. As the cars struts along the road, I can't help not noticing that the badboo wala morr still has that same carpet shop, venus carpets... The juice spot is the same... The only thing that has changed is probably my perception, i still love my city, even though karachi, you are now shedding blood, i'd love you more if you could just stop that. During evening, as I lay out my bed, the manja as we used to call it before, I smile at myself, fearless me, hehehe... Two or three lizards like to drop by for a hi, and a big giant cockroach wanted to sleep with us :p yucki as AJ puts it.. The funniest bit is that AJ calls the typical lota as a teapot, I wanted to burst out laughing, but if I had laughed, he couldnt have said what he said, "oh, its a washroom pot ya!" My bubloo gabloo januuu baby... Shaam mein having chai in the chota sa verandah is a blessing. Ai...

With every passing night, I resolved to miss you just a little, But with every passing day, I struggled with my self, I think its not in my hands, ... Neither my mind, Nor my heart, Its so full of you, Noone can ever fit in, No matter how hard I try, No matter how much I cry, Its not of any use, Your remembrance is my pleasure, Your memories, my cherished treasure.   -13th august 2013

Sometimes, somethings are meant to happen, some people are meant to be met... I just can not figure out life. Pata nahi kyun aaj mujhe wo uncle yaad aa rahay hayn jinhon ne 12yrs pehle karachi ke aik sunsaan ilaqay se lift di thi, 12 yrs ago karachi was still safe, trustable.. i just cant forget him.. unho ne poocha, hum ne mana kiya, unho ne wapis insist kya, aur hum maan gaye, he had his daughter my age in car.. but aik bharosa tha.. and to think of it, the next time I met his daughter 2 yrs later, he had died!!!! and then when that girl met me, my mum had died.. kaise weird ajeeb aur strange life hai.. kaisee life hai, kabhi kabhi bass choo ker guzar jati hay, mager dil mein bass jati hai! But i believe in it, some people are meant to be known, God has made this like this I think.. thankful to Allah for making me meet some really fabulous and kind people on this earth! And then I also think why do our tiny brains have to carry so much pressure.. I have been carrying it since ...

Thanks a lot.. For hugging me tight, It was just right, I was a mere three, Carelesss and carefree, You knew me so well,  Held me, and I never fell. I miss that day, It was my birthday, You hugged me tight, Papa captured it allright, I can't close my eyes, Even after so many tries, I miss that hug, In the pillow my heads dug, I wish you'd do it once more, As you did when I was four. In the most cherished memory of Mom... I still have it captured... God bless you..

Ata nahi zindagi gulzar hai ya nahi iss waqt jo halaat e dunya aur halaat e zindagi hayn..i jus wish zindagi gulzar ho..... But talking abt my favoritest drama these days, for which i wait one whole week... Heres it... I agree with zaroon, being a woman myself, I dont like to have that freedom which women shouldnt have but there spouses are allowed to have sadly enough... The best quote from this episode: halaat ke badalnay se logon ke rawwaiye tabdeel ho jatay hayn, aur shayad log isi liyeh halaat badalna chahte hayn..  So true... So so true... Zindagi khaak na thi...khaak uratay guzrii.... :( men are Allowed to flirt..why do they hate it when their wives or fiances n these days their gfs jus even wave to a guy... Im nt usingthe  word flirt bcx I myself hate flirts and flirting.. But this same zaroon who likes Kashaf for her honest n non flirting behaviour will one day accuse her of being a flirt when he himself was the biggest ever flirt..why double standards..if som...

So barun sobti has a movie to do and he made ipkknd have an abrupt ending..mazay hayn!!!!!! Awesome that i stopped watchin the show somwhere in july hheehhee ..btw last episode was aired on 30th nov n i watched it just now..superlol Sitamgar is good too, i have a complaint... Asad answers zaras fone, n doesnt even let her knw tht her hubby called.. And zara has that naya wala bb 9900  :p she dent even chk the calll log, or did asad delete that as well!!!!!!! Weird.. Mindless, a lil bit of misdirection, as asad is nt the type of cheapo ..Thats not how it happens in real life, or maybe sometimes it does...  Cant wait for friday.. Zindagi gulzar hai... Cant wait for zaroon to wait for kashaf all the time in offices, i wanna read novel again.....  Kashaf and her sisters always remind me how when i used to give tutions, and suddenly in 1 month, a kid decides to take a break for 1 month... For a family that had to spend as much as itm earned it was so not easy, toda...

Hey diary, guess what..a sudden pang of Internet disconnection and I missed u.. Missed to write on mums birthday ,...here's wishing the neatest of all friends I've ever made, n I guess I will ever make, happy birthday mum, don't worry too much about us.... U r gonna hurt urself, and we don't want that, stay blessed .....Missed u all thru our n still missing you...  It's so unbelievable even after 8 years... So...when I was a bit young..(good ole days) I had received some greeting cards blank courtesy bros friend.. One of them was really nice I had saved it..it's wordings we're more than perfect and the was no one in my life as perfect as the card mentioned..I saved the card saved the card for years.. After about 8 yrs I finally gave it to my beastie of childhood cx t seemed perfect for her hehehe... And thts not all.... I wrote down those words in my diary.. And... Thought later on in my life I will be needing it for my expressions.. Today my diary is far...

I hav tons on my mind My wish list tht keeps getting fulfilled n I keep askin for more The low budget days February and mom... A nice easy on the pocket jacket which I just can't find..helppppppp